It’s been almost a month since my last post. I haven’t even tweeted much. Why? Feeling lost, alone – much like David in many of the Psalms where he cried out to God in despair. I do what I need to do, but it is just that, doing. Few things bring me the joy, the comfort I have had in the past. Work is just that, work. Life seems like a giant whirl wind and I don’t know what direction it is headed at any given time. I feel as though I have lost purpose or meaning. Lost hope? No. Lost joy? No, but it is hard to find.
I find it interesting that I am so aware of my situation and at the same time unable to respond to it. Maybe I should be calling this blogging from the dark side. I have given up asking why, rather I think about what I am to learn. Who can benefit from my dark side ramblings?
Let me try a poem –
Hello darkness my old friend,
You’ve come to call on me again – yeah I know Simon and Garfunkle but it is a great way to start
In reality that is all I have – darkness is an old friend who has been calling for years. Some times its a brief visit, other time it seems like a prolonged stay. I can put a name to this darkness, it is depression – not sadness, not spiritual warfare, not not doing enough “spiritual” things, no it is as chemical imbalance in my brain that results in me entering into dark times. My dad suffered from the same thing at about the same age I am at now.
Today as I write this I can feel the darkness lifting. I am again able to listen for and to God’s still small voice. Hey, I’m even able to blog about it. I know my old friend will be back, may next week, maybe in a couple of months or a year. I just don’t know.
If you are like me and know this experience, remember that even in the darkness God is there, seek Him out for comfort. Seek out a medical or mental health professional to help you through this time. Let a trusted friend know so that they can intercede for you in prayer.
If you know someone who is in this situation don’t try and fix them, rather just be there when they reach out, pray for them. encourage them.
I have been living with depression for the last 15 years or so. I lived the first 7-8 without diagnosis, and the last 7-8 under the care of my doctor. I don’t have all the answers, shoot I don’t even know all the questions – but what I do know is that God is faithful in all things and He will be with you even when darkness falls.