I was recently in a discussion about the topic of listening. Questions were asked and responses were given. I was a great conversation. As I listened my mind was wondering what I was hearing – I was trying to discern what was being said. My mind wandered to my current thoughts about what Henri Nouwen called “authentic presence” and how the art of listening plays into this. Now, when I fall asleep to certain thoughts or ideas and then come back to them in the morning – I begin to wonder what it is God is trying to teach me or show me.
As I reflected on the conversation the word “distraction” jumped out at me. The context being that at times we are distracted listeners or as Nouwen might say we are not being authentically present with the person we are in conversation with. It was pointed out that the main source of our distraction was the ever-present cell phone. As I thought about that, i don’t think the phone is the problem, rather it is a symptom or the diagnostic tool that God may be using to say it’s time to take a step back and take a deep breath. Am I really to busy to take an hour break from technology to spend time with someone else? Then I have to ask myself “am I to busy to spend an hour with God?”
Distractions! They come in all shapes and sizes. They come in a variety of colors and flavors. Some are welcome, others are unexpected. The question I ask myself is, how am I going to manage my distractions when I want to be authentically present for someone else? The key here is to have a management plan. Believe it or not, but the odds of disaster striking if you were to turn your cell phone off for an hour or two is nil. You might not think so but I think you will survive. Want to test this theory, go away on a silent retreat for a couple of days and see what happens. Not only will your family survive but you will grow in a deeper, richer relationship with God. Take an hour and grow in a deeper, richer relationship with another. This single act can boost ones spirits because you are saying to them that for this next hour is yours.
Turning off the phone can eliminate a lot of the external distractions, but how do we turn off the internal distractions that are bouncing around in your mind. Unlike our cell phones our mind doesn’t have an off button. This is where a little soul care can go a long way. If we practice the spiritual discipline of solitude we can begin to unload some of our distractions in a healthy way. Solitude is not about going out into the middle of nowhere to be alone, rather solitude is finding the moment of time (from a few minutes to a few hours) regularly where we can be alone with our thoughts, process what is going on in life and hopefully settle things down. We need to take the time to process life and learn deal with our own “stuff” so we can be present for others. This time of solitude is when we invite the Holy Spirit in to help us, transform us, and renew us. If we can lower the “static” of our own distractions we are better able to present for others.
Prayer is a natural fit with solitude. Solitude forces us to look inward while pray forces us to look upward. Prayer is actually great practice for listening to others. Prayer isn’t so much about us talking at God, rather prayer is about talking with and listening to God. I say this often when talking about prayer, but it is the toughest spiritual discipline for me.
I hope this wasn’t to random and rambling, it sounded a lot better as these ideas bounced around in my brain. I want to be a better listener, I want to be authentically present with other when I am in conversation with the, so this is my distraction management plan: 1) Be intentional about putting the other first – turn of the external distractors, 2) Spend time in solitude so that I can better react to my internal distractions, and 3) Spend time in prayer, conversing with God. If you want to be a better listener which piece do you need to work on? Or if you have additional tips or suggestions please leave a comment.
