Category: Random Thoughts

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And God Sent an Angel: a reflection of 1 King 19

Have you ever had the experience of having a song stuck in your head? No matter what you do it just seems to keep popping up. Lately for me its been Shania Twain’s Swing With My Eyes Closed. Like I said, it just gets stuck there.

I’ve been having a similar experience with a chunk of scripture. Actually, it is more about the character in this chunk of scripture than the passage itself. So who is this character that has been apart of me for the last six months or so? It’s a prophet by the name of Elijah. His story can be found beginning in 1 Kings 17 and continuing into the beginning chapters of 2 Kings.

In a nutshell Elijah comes onto the scene when Ahab (not a good king) is king over Israel, he predicts a drought as punishment for Ahab’s & Israel’s sins, raises a widow’s son from the dead, defeats 450 prophets of Baal, has a run in with Jezebel (Ahab’s evil wife), runs for his life to the south, confesses he is unable to continue on alone, hears God’s still small voice, appoints Elisha the next prophet of Israel, and is taken up to heaven in a whirlwind. What’s not to get stuck on, right?

The section of 1 Kings that has capture me is the first part of chapter 19. This part of Elijah’s story takes place right after God, in response to Elijah’s prayer, lit on fire Elijah’s water logged sacrifice and witnessing the end of a very long drought. As Ahab and Elijah headed to Jezreel the queen Jezebel was informed of the happenings and issued a warning to Elijah that she would make sure he was dead by the next day. This makes sense since Jezebel was a worshiper of Baal but what has captured my imagination was the response shown by Elijah.

Elijah became afraid, scared for his life. So frightened that he took off for Beersheba. Pause here with me for a moment and think about this scene. Elijah has a confrontation with Jezebel and he is so frightened that he needs to run away. The question I have been struggling with is why was he so frightened? Let’s review Elijah’s life to this point: called by God to confront Ahab and declare a drought, raises someone from the dead, defeats 450 prophets of Baal and witness the end of the drought. Though God has been there through all these events Elijah is scared and runs away. Part of me is saying “really, you just witnessed all these workings of God and you are scared a Jezebel?” But then I ask myself when have I been scared of what is happening in the world even though I have experienced the wonderful works of God myself. When have I run off in the face of trouble? To whom do I run to?

May I take a side trip here for a moment? I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time this past autumn participating an a Socratic type bible study led by the executive director of 40Orchards (www.40orchards.org) that really helped me to better understand the questions I was sitting with. This method of study allows one to chew on the questions that are raised by passage of scripture being explored. Now, back to the story.

In a panic Elijah heads south to Beersheba, drops off his servant and then continues into the wilderness. He sit down by a broom tree and asks God to take his life because he is done. He is giving up. Elijah declares that “it is enough.” What Elijah is saying is that on my own I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough to stand against the troubles weighing me down. Have you ever had an experience like Elijah? How often do we try and solve things on our own forgetting that God is ready, willing, and able to help us? I fall into this trap more often than I care to admit.

It is after this time of confession that Elijah falls asleep but is awoken by an angel and given some bread and water. He eats and then fall back asleep. After awhile the angel awakens him again and provides Elijah with another meal saying that the journey he is about to undertake is long and he needs nourishment. So once again Elijah eats. It is now that the angel acknowledges that indeed the struggle facing Elijah is to great for him. So what is this God led journey that Elijah is about to undertake? It was a forty day trip to “Horeb, the mount of God”( 1 Kings 19:8).

As I sat with this narrative a bit longer a couple of images have come to me. One, is the image of the “the wall” as described by Janet Hegberg in The Critical Journey. The “Wall” is this obstacle that we run into that forces us into a deeper understanding of who we are and who God is. The other image is the Transformational Crucible as described by LeRon Shults and Steve Sandage. The “Crucible” is their model for the transformational process we go through to deepen or strengthen our faith. This is what Elijah was going through, a deepening and strengthening of his faith.

What I want to focus on is that God sent an angel to be with Elijah in his struggles. God provided food, water, and rest for Elijah as he was in the midst of his transformational process. Question, “Are you in need of an angel right now due to some hardship your are going through?” It doesn’t matter who we are, as Elijah pointed out he wasn’t strong enough to face this struggle on his own. We aren’t always strong enough to face our struggles alone either. So who do you  turn to?

Another question, “Is there someone you could be an “angel of God” to?” Have you felt a nudge to reach out to someone recently? Are you willing and able to sit with someone for awhile? I’m not talking about “fixing” someone I’m talking about preparing some bread and providing some water to another who is in the midst of the transformational crucible. Are you the angel that God is sending to someone?

The story continues but that will be fodder for another post. I leave you with these questions to ponder:

    1. Are you experiencing a “wall” of some type?
    2. Who are you turning to for help?
    3. Has God sent you an angel for support?
    4. Are you being called to be an angel for someone else?
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The Question

Its June, the year is almost half over and it seems that I have been stuck on a single questions that seems so simple yet I am finding this question is a lot like an onion in that it has a lot of layers to it. So what is this perplexingly complex question? What do you want? Yup, that’s it. Four words and I’ve been pondering it since January. Each time I face this question, it shine on a different part of my being.

This past winter was rather dark and bleak for me. My depression hit me hard and held me down for a long time. My world felt like it was collapsing in around me. I was functioning at the “I can get done what must get done” level with little left over to do anything else. I have a few people with whom I can reveal the depths of my darkness, but to the rest of the world I would use my favorite phrase “I’m fine” when asked how I was doing. The people I trust are those who don’t try and fix me but rather simple are there for me.

Now I know this is going to sound strange but it is in these darkest moments that God and I have an intimate, deep, rich, soul searching times together. It was out of this time together with God that my question first appeared. At this time the question was really in the form of a feeling – frustrated. Work, church, life they all seemed to be getting me nowhere really fast — actually they were getting my nowhere really slow. Moments of hope sandwiched between mountains of despair or frustration (depending upon the day). What could I do? Where could I go? How do I fix it? I was stuck because I didn’t know what I wanted.

The actual wording of the question didn’t form until I went away to a 3-day silent Ignatian retreat. During the first conference the leader’s question was What do I want? This question summed up my past couple of months of wonderings. As I went back to my room to ponder this question I was able to come up with a list rather quickly (the first few layers of the question). My list was solutions to the things that had be frustrating me, getting some land for a cabin, loosing 50 pounds. These answers didn’t scratch the itch my soul was feeling.

After a little more time at the retreat my answer to the “What do I want?” became a desire to know God more. So for  the last few months now I have not only been wrestling with the question “What do I want?” but also struggling to see if my answer of drawing closer to God was what I really wanted. It this is my answer, What does that look like?

During this time I was reading a number of books that in one way or another were asking The Questions or offering ideas on how to approach answering The Question. The Gift of Being Yourself, Sabbath, Sacred Rhythms, Discernment, God’s Will and Living Jesus all helped to guide me in this journey. God asked the question of Solomon, “What shall I give you?” (1 Kings 3:5) and Jesus ask the question numerous times of the people seeking things from him, “What do you want?” Solomon chose wisdom and those asking Jesus chose sight, healing, but some also simple chose to follow after Jesus.

As May arrived so did another round of depression and despair with a side of anxiety (something new to me) to boot. I was once again wrestling with doubt, worth, fear, work, and life. Like the author of Ecclesiastes state “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” (1:2, NIV). As I worked through the month I came back to the answer I first penned in March, that what I desired, what I wanted was to draw closer to God. To be in a deep intimate relationship with the creator of all things. In March my margin note to this answer was “Do I really want this?” I think I have come to the conclusion that yes this is what I want. Or maybe a better way to say it is this is what my soul desires, it is what my soul needs. So maybe a better working of The Question would be “What do I need or desire?” not “What do I want?” God has promised to give us the desires of our heart and to meet our needs. As one draws closer to God and aligns one’s heart with God’s we begin to see what it is that God has in store for us and our desires are met.

So this is where I sit after five plus months of pondering The Question. I guess the question I have for anyone that has read this through to the end is What does your soul desire? How are you going to satisfy that desire? For me, I’ve got my rule of life in place, a stack of books to read, an adventure in Ignatian spirituality to continue on, and most importantly the Holy Spirit to guide this entire process.

If you are interested in having another set of ears to listen to what you are hearing I do offer spiritual direction both in-person and on-line. You can contact me at scott@thesojournersgarden.org.

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A Year of Transformation

I am weary and tired. It seems like only yesterday summer was just around the corner and now I’m looking at it through the rear view mirror. It was a good summer, a busy summer, but it was a summer where I haven’t taken the time to sit and be still. I know most of you won’t be able to understand my enjoyment in this but I was able to spend over three hours this morning simply sitting in my overstuffed office chair, listening to the storms roll through and pondering the things that God has been stirring in me over the last nine months. Three hours of quiet pondering time. What a treat. Just me, my thoughts and God. Oh, and coffee too!

In the last twenty years I have had a number of key extended periods of time where God has done some significant transformational work in me. We all have those key moments or events but what I’m talking about are extended periods of time of a year or more where the transformational process unfolded slowly and the transformational changes fused into my being. In the mid-1990’s my lessons learned were about trusting God and stepping out in faith. In 2004 the lessons were about identifying and living out the things that I said I believed and valued. It’s  been in these last 8 or 9 years that it seems that I have almost been in a continuos time of transformation. Perhaps it hasn’t been so much about transformation, rather it’s been about identifying the person God has intended me to be. I have blogged about the beginning osheepf this time and a stupid sheep. Who would have thought that God would use my response to a blog posting about a stupid sheep to send me into an almost decade long transformational process. I also have numerous blog posting about the other transformational moments in the pas 8-10 years.

In short this past decade has been about doctoral studies, the contemplative life (whole new vocabulary), spiritual direction, clearly identified life purpose/meaning/mission statement, a few ah ha moments, teaching, ministry, and training to become a spiritual director myself. Now that I have bored you with the context, if you are still with me I will be focusing on the last nine months and my spiritual direction training. You see this brings me back around to where I started, I’m tired and weary. Actually I have coined the term contemplation fatigue to describe my current state of being.

In January I began a year long online spiritual direction program through CenterQuest. We began with a week long residency in Malibu in early January and will wrap things up with a closing residency in LA right after Thanksgiving. Between these two residencies we have been doing a lot of reading, learning and reflecting (contemplating). I’ve learned new techniques and spiritual practices, how to listen, pray, and be still. As a natural contemplative this was all wonderful. I was gaining a new vocabulary to describe things that I have been doing for years but didn’t really know what to call it. It has been a wonderful adventure. At the same time, I have spent the last 8+ months contemplating and haven’t had the space to process all the things I am learning about myself thus leading to my contemplation fatigue and weariness. I’m not complaining, well ok maybe I’m whining just a bit, but through this all God has been revealing to me who He sees me as and who He wants me to become.

Out of all my ponderings I have discovered two new (now able to articulate) characteristics of who God has created me to be. One is a discovery of my contemplative voice. This is reflected in how I pray, how I ministry, how I view life, and how I tend to my relationships. I think the biggest thing about this discovery is simply being comfortable in being a contemplative in my current faith tradition. I see part of this voice as being one who translates the contemplative practices into practices that are better understood in my evangelical setting.

It is out of this voice that I am building The Sojourner’s Garden ministry that has been simmering for over 20 years. This ministry is designed to give people a place to come and be still in the middle of our busy metropolitan center. My desire to create an environment where one can come and tend to their soul and listen to that still small voice of God that at times can be drowned out by the noise and business of life. I taught a class this summer on Soul Care and had a dozen seminary students take the time to be still and allow God to minister to them. I want to be able to bring this some soul care to others. In conjunction with this is the ministry of spiritual direction where I find great joy in coming along side others and helping them hear what it is the Spirit is saying to them. To help them process what that still small voice of God has laid on their heart.
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Even now as I write this I am realizing that there is only one theme that has come out of my months of pondering. It is the discovery of my different voices. The contemplative voice describe above is not new but I can now better articulate it but the other new voice has taken me my surprise. That voice is an artistic voice. To be more specific it is the voice of a glass artist. Erwin McManus in his book The Artisan Soul suggests we all have a creative side. Well, my creative side is coming out in glass art. I have had trouble making the connection as to why these two things were coming forth out of my ponderings. A couple weeks ago while processing these discoveries with my spiritual director I was able to connect them as both being invitations to the other to focus on God. It is my desire that my glass art draws people into the scared through the visual and the stories that go with it and that my contemplative voice offers people a safe place to be still with God. What I am seeing now is that I am developing one voice with two different – I don’t know dialects, vocabularies, languages? – but the same invitation to draw close to God and focus on Him.

So I guess that is why I am tired and weary. I have brought forth two new voices, well one voice with two distinct tones and a single simple invitation to take the time to sit and be still and focus on the invitation from God’s gentle whisper. This is as much a message to myself as it is an invitation to other to set aside the time to see what  God’s invitation to you is.