A Sojourner’s Thoughts

What is God inviting you to? This was the question posed to me recently at a three day Ignatian retreat. Durning the first full day of the retreat I keep coming back to this question durning our times of reflection. I couldn’t find an answer. As I worked through day two I still wasn’t sure how I would answer. During my free time at the retreat I was reading the book Befriending our Desires for a class I was taking. It is a great book and its content fit in very nicely to the materials being discussed during our conferences.

For the class I needed to write out five things I learned from the book. I didn’t have a hard time coming up with things I learned but I was having a terrible time trying to write them out. I haven’t written an academic paper in quite some time and felt very frustrated. In the vernacular of Ignatius I had entered a state of desolation. There I was, half way through my first course after re-entering a doctoral program and I was ready to quit. It was as though I finally realized that I actually wasn’t all that smart. But the words of Ignatius reminded me that one does not change course in times of desolation for those things started in consolation. I set aside my writing and decided I needed some rest so I went to bed.

In the morning I was up about 4am (this is actually my normal time to get up). I spent some time with God and the took another shot at writing. This time I was able to get my thoughts down and was ok with what I said. Do you recall the question I started with? What is God inviting me to? Well it appeared that the answer came was I was reflecting on the idea of eros-love and God. The invitation from God was how do you love me? God that is a great question let me thing about that. As a matter of fact I’ll make that one of my action points for the book. This question really does intrigue me. As I was to discover this was only the prelude to the real question.

In our morning prayer the topic was, you guessed it, loving God. We talked about three different Greek words for love eros, philios, and agape. Each of these describes a different kind of love. The priest then turned to the story in John 21 where Jesus is asking Peter is he loves him. Jesus was asking Peter to you agape (divine love) me? [Apologies to my fellow seminarians who actually took Greek and are laughing at my pathetic attempt as talking about it]. Peter’s response was this agape love but rather it was philios (brotherly love). Suddenly the question was Scott do you love (agape) me? I didn’t know how to answer. I was not sure of how I loved God. This question was not the invitation I am leaving retreat with. The thing that God is inviting me to is to deepen my love of God. To do this I need to nurture a deeper understanding of my true self which will then help me to know God deeper and then in turn help me to love God deeper.

Random thoughts have been rambling around in my head for the last couple of days. A three day silent Ignatian retreat will do that to a person. One has a lot of time to simply be still and listen. I can do this at home for shorter periods of time but if I try and take an extended period of quiet things around home just begin to creep in. This is neither good or bad it just happens.

So when I get a chance to get away I do what I can to take advantage of it.

So what does someone do with 72 hours of silence? Listen at the conferences (the retreat leader shares some thoughts with us), pray, sleep, wander, ponder, and eat. The whole retreat is set up so you don’t have to think about anything but God. You sit in the same chair in the chapel, you eat at the same table and chair, and the schedule is the same for all three days so you don’t have to spend time wondering about these things. And it is all done in silence, except for the words of the retreat leader. It is about focusing on the still small voice of God. It’s about a sacred conversation between you and the Creator of all. It’s about being present with God and God alone. He is the true creator of the retreat.

Much of what I am hearing is still a work in progress. I have a lot more pondering to do before I know what exactly it all means. I have created a colorful mind map to try and help me make sense of it all. Some ideas are new, some I have been ruminating on for a short time, and a couple of themes keep coming back. I’ll be sharing about most of this in future postings.

There are two things I want to share here that need little pondering to being to practice but will take a lifetime to perfect. Micah 6:8 says:

He has told you, O man what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justice, and to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God.

As I look at these words of the prophet Micah I know that I need to do a better job of:

• Doing Justice (as God would deal with people)
• Loving Kindness (as God would love people)
• Walking humble with my God (God’s way, not my way)

What would our cities and nation look like if we (if I) practices these principles from Micah? I can’t tell you what this may look like in your life, I still need to fully understand what it will look like in my life. The key is understanding what God’s want from you not what you want God to be for you.

The second thing I need to do a better job at is simply noticing God. Where is it I encounter God during the day. In my Soul Care class I have my students do a God Hunt. An exercise where the spend some time each day reflecting on when and where they noticed God. It could be an encounter with another person, it could be in scripture, or it could be in a couple beautiful Arizona sunset. We can encounter God in so many different ways that sometimes I think we (I) take God’s gifts to us for granted. There is a practice that goes by many different names The Examen of Consciousness, The Daily Examen, or Praying Backwards Through The Day that is designed to get one reflecting on the day one just lived. By noticing God we can better understand who God is and how He is choosing you use us in His work here on planet earth.

My parting words of action to you from what I have been pondering while sitting with God: do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with God, and notice what God is doing around you; then as Henry Blackaby would say, “join him.”

Have you ever had the experience of having a song stuck in your head? No matter what you do it just seems to keep popping up. Lately for me its been Shania Twain’s Swing With My Eyes Closed. Like I said, it just gets stuck there.

I’ve been having a similar experience with a chunk of scripture. Actually, it is more about the character in this chunk of scripture than the passage itself. So who is this character that has been apart of me for the last six months or so? It’s a prophet by the name of Elijah. His story can be found beginning in 1 Kings 17 and continuing into the beginning chapters of 2 Kings.

In a nutshell Elijah comes onto the scene when Ahab (not a good king) is king over Israel, he predicts a drought as punishment for Ahab’s & Israel’s sins, raises a widow’s son from the dead, defeats 450 prophets of Baal, has a run in with Jezebel (Ahab’s evil wife), runs for his life to the south, confesses he is unable to continue on alone, hears God’s still small voice, appoints Elisha the next prophet of Israel, and is taken up to heaven in a whirlwind. What’s not to get stuck on, right?

The section of 1 Kings that has capture me is the first part of chapter 19. This part of Elijah’s story takes place right after God, in response to Elijah’s prayer, lit on fire Elijah’s water logged sacrifice and witnessing the end of a very long drought. As Ahab and Elijah headed to Jezreel the queen Jezebel was informed of the happenings and issued a warning to Elijah that she would make sure he was dead by the next day. This makes sense since Jezebel was a worshiper of Baal but what has captured my imagination was the response shown by Elijah.

Elijah became afraid, scared for his life. So frightened that he took off for Beersheba. Pause here with me for a moment and think about this scene. Elijah has a confrontation with Jezebel and he is so frightened that he needs to run away. The question I have been struggling with is why was he so frightened? Let’s review Elijah’s life to this point: called by God to confront Ahab and declare a drought, raises someone from the dead, defeats 450 prophets of Baal and witness the end of the drought. Though God has been there through all these events Elijah is scared and runs away. Part of me is saying “really, you just witnessed all these workings of God and you are scared a Jezebel?” But then I ask myself when have I been scared of what is happening in the world even though I have experienced the wonderful works of God myself. When have I run off in the face of trouble? To whom do I run to?

May I take a side trip here for a moment? I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time this past autumn participating an a Socratic type bible study led by the executive director of 40Orchards (www.40orchards.org) that really helped me to better understand the questions I was sitting with. This method of study allows one to chew on the questions that are raised by passage of scripture being explored. Now, back to the story.

In a panic Elijah heads south to Beersheba, drops off his servant and then continues into the wilderness. He sit down by a broom tree and asks God to take his life because he is done. He is giving up. Elijah declares that “it is enough.” What Elijah is saying is that on my own I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough to stand against the troubles weighing me down. Have you ever had an experience like Elijah? How often do we try and solve things on our own forgetting that God is ready, willing, and able to help us? I fall into this trap more often than I care to admit.

It is after this time of confession that Elijah falls asleep but is awoken by an angel and given some bread and water. He eats and then fall back asleep. After awhile the angel awakens him again and provides Elijah with another meal saying that the journey he is about to undertake is long and he needs nourishment. So once again Elijah eats. It is now that the angel acknowledges that indeed the struggle facing Elijah is to great for him. So what is this God led journey that Elijah is about to undertake? It was a forty day trip to “Horeb, the mount of God”( 1 Kings 19:8).

As I sat with this narrative a bit longer a couple of images have come to me. One, is the image of the “the wall” as described by Janet Hegberg in The Critical Journey. The “Wall” is this obstacle that we run into that forces us into a deeper understanding of who we are and who God is. The other image is the Transformational Crucible as described by LeRon Shults and Steve Sandage. The “Crucible” is their model for the transformational process we go through to deepen or strengthen our faith. This is what Elijah was going through, a deepening and strengthening of his faith.

What I want to focus on is that God sent an angel to be with Elijah in his struggles. God provided food, water, and rest for Elijah as he was in the midst of his transformational process. Question, “Are you in need of an angel right now due to some hardship your are going through?” It doesn’t matter who we are, as Elijah pointed out he wasn’t strong enough to face this struggle on his own. We aren’t always strong enough to face our struggles alone either. So who do you  turn to?

Another question, “Is there someone you could be an “angel of God” to?” Have you felt a nudge to reach out to someone recently? Are you willing and able to sit with someone for awhile? I’m not talking about “fixing” someone I’m talking about preparing some bread and providing some water to another who is in the midst of the transformational crucible. Are you the angel that God is sending to someone?

The story continues but that will be fodder for another post. I leave you with these questions to ponder:

1. 1. Are you experiencing a “wall” of some type?
   2. Who are you turning to for help?
   3. Has God sent you an angel for support?
   4. Are you being called to be an angel for someone else?