Month: November 2020

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Unknown Pilgrimage #8 – Being

There he came to a cave and lodged in it.
– 1 Kings 19:9a ESV

Elijah got to this cave on Mt Horab after traveling 40 days through the wilderness. Once at the mountain, he climbed up to the cave a waited. It’s been at least 40 days since Elijah last had an encounter with God, yet here he is waiting in a cave.

When I am on retreat there is also a lot of waiting. Today marks the fourth full day of retreat. I have never been on a retreat this long and I still have four days to go. I learned a long time ago you can’t rush a retreat. Retreat gives me the space to simply BE. God has shown up in the beauty of creation that surrounds this place. I caught the sunrise this morning, it was magnificent.

There are times when I find myself being distracted by all the beauty around me. But this is a delightful distraction. One that draws me closer to God. It is a distraction in that I forget to be and I do. I posted a couple of new YouTube videos on waves crashing and the sun rising (@scottastrand) and Instagram posts (@scottastrand). But the heart of retreat is being.

In my waiting I have been pondering three words: know, delight, and desire. To know and desire God are not new themes for me when on retreat. They seem to keep coming back over and over again. I use to wonder why this is but I have come to understand that by coming back to these words I can increase what I know about God and I can deepen my desire for God.

So what have I learned since getting here to Eastern Point? I know God a bit better now as I have been reminded that not only am I to delight in the Lord, but God also delights in me. This word delight is so wonderful. Just saying the delight brings a simple to my face. The question then arises is “How do I delight in the Lord?” As I shared earlier, I am delighting in the distractions I find around here. There are still a lot of trails to explore. Oh, I finally saw the seals in the cove this morning just sunning themselves on the rocks. My spiritual director and I decided that I need to be more like a seal while I am here. Just sitting on the rocks watching the tide roll away. They know how to just BE. See, delight in the things you find along the way.

And what about desire? I have written a lot about my desire for God. Last summer I wrote a very long paper about the inner workings of Scott and desire was a key part of that. While here, I finished reading Spiritual Wanderlust by Kelly Deutsch. In this book Deutsch talks about deep desires by sharing her own story and bringing in two Christian Mystics John of the Cross and Augustine. There were a lot of things I took from the book but the three that stood out to me include: 1) The idea we can know God better by loving and desiring him than by speaking or thinking about him, 2) “Desire is one of the greatest gifts we can give to another. It is the gift of receptivity.”, and 3) That longing (desire), darkness, I-don’t-know-what, echos, and consummation is all part of prayer.

Most importantly, I am learning who it is that God created me to be. I need to spend a bit more time waiting in my “cave” listening for that still small voiced of God.

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Unknown Pilgrimage #7 – EPRH Day 2

I sat most of yesterday with two questions: “What are you doing here?” and “What do you want me to do for you?”

So what am I doing here? That is, why Eastern Point Retreat House (EPRH)? I believe that EPRH is my metaphorical cave where I am meeting God. I liken it to the cave on Horab where Elijah encountered God, not in the wind (which we have had a lot for the last couple of days) or in the crashing ocean waves (my current context) but in God’s still small voice. The blessing of this retreat is silence and space. It is here away from the very day distractions of life that one can hear that still small voice of God.

The last seven months have been my wilderness wandering similar to Elijah’s 40 day wilderness trek from his encounter with the angel at the broom tree to the time he entered the cave and encountered God.

These are a lot of words to simply answer the question, I am here to encounter God in a way that I could not do anywhere else.

As I was sitting with my spiritual director this morning she asked me how I would answer my second question. I said that I would want Jesus to deepen my desire for a rich, full, intimate relationship with God. This is what Elijah got, God’s still small voice. Elijah had to lean in to embrace God up close, intimately. Whispers are just that, an intimate conversation between two people.

Desire is the word that I am sitting with now. I will share more about desire in my next post.

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Unknown Pilgrimage #6 – Alone with God

Brace Cove Eastern Point Retreat HouseIt’s been a while since I last wrote, the 8th of March to be exact. I had just ended a 3-day silent retreat and was writing about the an icon called the Trinity. And today, I am just ending the first day of an 8-day silent retreat at Eastern Point Retreat House in Gloucester, MA.

So where did the last seven months go? COVID-19!

This quote is from my first blog of 2020, written in my hermitage at Pacem in Terris –

I am now a couple of weeks into my unknown pilgrimage and I thought I would clarify why I am actually calling this adventure an “Unknown Pilgrimage.” Let me start with the work pilgrimage. According to Merriam-Webster a pilgrimage is the journey a pilgrim is one and a pilgrim is one who is traveling to a sacred or holy place.
The pilgrimage I am on this year is one to know both myself and God in a deeper, richer, more intimate way. This pilgrimage may include physical travel, but will defiantly involve an inward journey to my soul. The thing that makes pilgrimages tough is that they take us away from our normal routines and force us to encounter God (and ourself) in places where we might not feel at ease. It is in this uneasiness that God can do His transformational work. 

These last seven months have been a time of desolation. God has felt so far away. My desire to continue this “Unknown Pilgrimage” melted away when the 8-day silent retreat, which was to start on my 60th birthday fell victim to Covid. I got away to Ely, but even there I felt all alone. Seeking but not finding God. I think my work reorganization killed that retreat.

Political angst, calls for racial equality, and Covid quarantine filled the summer. I got a camper built. Broke it in on an 8-day trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota with my wife and 9-year old grand daughter.

And now I am here, at Eastern Point pondering two questions. First, “What are you doing here?” and “What do you want me to do for you?” The first question was asked by God of Elijah in the cave at Mt Horab and the second of the blind man by Jesus as he enter Jerusalem for the final time.

Neither of these question are new to me. Both of these questions can be answered on a number of levels.

In my next blog post I will explore these two questions more fully.