Month: July 2014

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But God…

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD ’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. (Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG)

So here I am walking down my life path and according to my map there is a fork in the road ahead where I will be making a decision to go right or left. It’s not that one path is better than the other, but they are quite different paths. I would be comfortable going either direction but I do have a preferred path. My map has been projecting this fork for months and there has been a growing sense of what I call “content anticipation.” The day arrives and when I get to the fork I find that one of the paths has been closed, in fact the path was never actually constructed. The sign read upon further review the construction of this path has been delayed indefinitely. So the fork has simply turned into a slight veering to the side around the closed path.

I want to argue with God about the closed path – “You see God MY MAP says that at this point in my journey there will be a choice to be made about which path to take!” To this complaint God simply steers me to the above verse. “Trust me” God says, “don’t worry about your map rather just listen to me and I will direct you on your journey. You see Scott you don’t have the full picture, but don’t worry I will keep you on the right path. What you need to do is keep listening.”

BUT! But? But. “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go…” Trust – an easy word to say but a hard one to live out. So I guess I have two choices – I can sit down by the side of the road, complain to God, mope, twiddle my thumbs, and wait or I can shrug my shoulders, take a deep breath, and refocus on the path I am on – waiting, listening, and pondering what the future may hold. My choice is to quit relying so much on “my map” and instead lean in a little closer to hear that “still small voice” of God to see what lies ahead.

How do you handle life when it seems you’ve been thrown an unexpected twist? I know that most of these twists and turns are merely a small inconvenience but others are a major shock – the unexpected loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, or the loss of a job. These things can cause real pain, real grief, real emotional issues – we need to acknowledge these feelings and emotions, we need to work through them (with the help of others, if needed). You need to know that it’s also alright to let God know how you feel. He want to know about our hurts and pains, our disappointments and struggles. But when the time is right, after the shock and rawness of our emotions has subsided, we also need to ask God “What’s next? Where is this new path going to take me?” You see there is a promise that can be found in Provers 3:5-6 – “…he’s the one who will keep you on track…” It might not be the track you were expecting but we can trust that God will be with us as we travel down this new road.

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Not Only Love Much But Well

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. (Philippians 1:9 MSG)

Last week I wrote about how this verse along with another are a couple of reasons that I have had a joyful marriage for the last 32 years – not only loving much but loving well. I have been coming back to this verse for the last week or so and pondering the phase “that you will not only love much but well.” As I’ve shared these verses in a number of devotionals this past week I have been drawn to the idea of loving well. As Christ-followers “love” should be a key part of our DNA. My fear is that our concept of love has been diluted by the over use of the word “love” itself.

Last week I wrote about how this verse along with another are a couple of reasons that I have had a joyful marriage for the last 32 years – not only loving much but loving well. I have been coming back to this verse for the last week or so and pondering the phase “that you will not only love much but well.” As I’ve shared these verses in a number of devotionals this past week I have been drawn to the idea of loving well. As Christ-followers “love” should be a key part of our DNA. My fear is that our concept of love has been diluted by the over use of the word “love” itself.

In some ways, at least with some words, I think the english langue is to vague. I love pizza, I love my iPad, I love my house, I love my spouse, and I love my kids. It’s the same word but context gives it a different meaning (at least I hope it does) in each of these cases. I love my spouse differently than I love my kids, thought they are all loved differently than how I love my iPad, house, or pizza.

Jesus, in response to a question from a religious leader about “What is the greatest commandment?” responded:

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” (Matthew 22:37-40 MSG)

Love God with all you have and love others as yourself. That’s it. Go do it. Love a lot, but not only that love well. Really, this is what I have been dwelling on. How do I love God well? How do I love others well? You see I don’t think it is as much about the quantity of love we give (as long as we are giving some) as it is about the quality of love we give. Shallow meaningless “love” heaped upon God or others is not what Jesus or Paul was talking about.

Love that is given in order to get something is not loving well. Love that is conditional is not loving well. Love that is given out of some sort of obligation is not loving well. Loving well looks sacrificial, honest, humble, honoring, and boundless. Loving well means spending time with the other, listening to the other, just being with the other. In 1 John 4 we see that the love we give is in response to the fact that “he (God) first loved us.”

There are two questions I want you to reflect on and if you want respond to:

      How are you at fulfilling the commands for Matthew 22 about loving God and loving others?
      How do you go about loving God and loving others well?
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32 Years and a Day

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9-11 MSG)

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care — then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. (Philippians 2:1-4 MSG)

Thirty-two years and a day, that is how long I’ve been married as of July 11, 2014. Thirty-two years and a day. So what is my secret to a long and successful marriage? Who knows, luck, prayer, hard work, patience, forgiveness, love, common faith in Christ. This list could go on and on, but what it all boils down to is that there is no one secret ingredient for a successful marriage.

Books and articles have been written, instructional DVDs produced, and there are numerous seminars you can attend all designed to help you have a successful marriage. All these different venues cab be great sources of information and techniques for having great marriages and what they all have in common is that you need to actually DO what they are telling you or showing you. This is what I mean when I say marriage takes work, HARD WORK. Great marriages don’t just happen. There are times when I wish I had invested more time into these types of resources rather than learning the principles through trial and error. Then again…..

So what have I learned in my thirty-two years? I think the verses above from Paul sum thinks up quite nicely – “that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well.” and “Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.” The first talks about not only the quantity of love but also the quality of love you share. The second talks about putting others first. If you can do these two things well I think you are headed in the right direction in your marriage.

Are these things easy to do, NO!, Do I always pull them off, NO! Does my wife, NO! (sorry dear) The key is to keep doing it. The more you do these two things the more they become part of your character and the easier it becomes. By the way, you can and should apply these principles to relationships outside your marriage as well.

Let’s dig in a little deeper on these two principles. First, I want to ask what do you think it means to “love well”? You see I don’t think it’s as much about the quantity of love but rather it’s about the quality of love that matters. Paul gives us some descriptors of quality love – intelligent, sincere, circumspect and exemplary, and fruitful. Everyone will have their own thoughts on what quality love looks like based on their own circumstances. For me, some ways I express “loving well” is cuddling with my wife, putting away dishes, making the coffee in the morning (even when my wife is off to work by 5:30am), getting flowers at the farmers market, making sure we don’t go to be angry with each other, listening, and not leaving my socks in our TV room (ok, I fail at this one quite often). So what would be on your list of “loving well?”

Second principle, it’s not always about me. Marriage is about serving the other. Go ahead, try and out serve your spouse, I dare you! Paul says this “put yourself aside and help the other get ahead.” How can you help your spouse get ahead? Give them space to grow and see what blooms. I the long run both of you will benefit. Put together and adventure that you might be ok with but you know your spouse will love. Do I really want to go for a walk or bike ride, no but I know it will make my wife happy so off we go. Not begrudgingly or angrily but with joy. Maybe there is something you really want to do but your spouse doesn’t. Don’t lay down a guilt trip, rather go do it yourself or find someone else to come along. Now if you’re the one who doesn’t want to go or do something, see the sentence above. 🙂 After 36 years (32 married + 4 years dating) were pretty in sync with what we like and don’t like to do but sometimes I just don’t feel like it. My wife understands (most of the time) and goes on without me. What can you do for your spouse to apply this principle?

We also give each other the space we need to be us as individuals. I love my wife but 24/7 would be a bit much. My office is my space and her reading corner is her space. We can enter in but one doesn’t stay long. When I need to get away my wife gives me the time to go and when she want to get away with her friends I don’t put up a fuss. How can you give your spouse the space they need?

So what is my advice after 32 years and a day of marriage? Remember that marriage is an organic journey that is alway changing entrusting the adventure to God, be prepared for the bumps on the path, love not only a lot but well, try and out serve your spouse, and find the joy in both the good times and bad.